On this third round of Haruspex interviews, I speak with a bird who's been around. I thought that his experience would qualify him to be able to share some avian wisdom with me. And if he didn't, and we had to resort to traditional methods of augury, I had my sacrifical dagger sheathed and ready.
So, tell me about the process of flight. Did it take long to learn?
I DON'T KNOW IF I PRACTICED MORE THAN ANYBODY, BUT I SURE PRACTISED ENOUGH. I STILL WONDER IF SOMEBODY --SOMEWHERE--WAS PRACTISING MORE THAN ME.
Are you able to talk about your time in the gulag system yet? What did you tell yourself to make it through that trial?
PUSH YOURSELF AGAIN AND AGAIN. DON'T GIVE AN INCH UNTIL THE FINAL BUZZER SOUNDS.
They had buzzers in the gulag?
YES.
Were you really in a gulag?
NO.
You once said "PLAYERS WILL SEE RIGHT THROUGH A PHONY.". Are you being a phony?
MAYBE.
Are you a player?
YES
Last time we came together, I lent you 50 dollars so you could buy some gas. You told me it would help you to concentrate on the oracles and omens I was trying to read. I think you were full of shit, and I want my 50 dollars back.
I REALLY DON'T LIKE TALKING ABOUT MONEY. ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT THE GOOD LORD MUST HAVE WANTED ME TO HAVE IT.
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My findings during this interview were not revelatory. Larry Bird is not a bird.
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